Sunday, June 14, 2026

Guards! Guards! by Terry Pratchett -- as relevant today as it was over 25 years ago


Can you hone currently relevant wisdom from a silly little novel about dragons and impotent guards set in a medieval fantasy world and written nearly thirty years ago? Why yes. Yes you can. Take, for example, this passage from Terry Pratchett's arguably most popular DiscWorld novel Guards! Guards!

Excerpt from Guards! Guards!
 by Terry Pratchett
1989 

I try not to get too political when I write reviews, but this passage struck me as ironic while reading this in 2026 during the Trumpocolypse -- and writing about it on the day of the dude's birthday, no less (and no, I will not be watching the 250th anniversary UFC fight on the White House stage/lawn. I've seen the movie Idiocracy, and I don't need to see it play out in real life, thank you very much). The arts, it seems, is full of prophets.

Guards! Guards! is the 8th book in the long ago popular DiscWorld series. I have been told that you don't need to read the series in order, but I'm an orderly philistine who likes to approach things with some linear semblance (This also applies to Star Wars. A New Hope will always be the first to me). They're right. You probably don't need to read books 1-7 first, but side characters and world building from some of the previous novels might make the read more of a pleasure. It prepares you for the appearance of DEATH and the Librarian, after all. So let's summarize for the potential new generation of readers who (gasp!) might not be at all familiar with Pratchett and his work.

The story takes place in the cesspool of a big city called Ankh-Morpork, where crime runs legally rampant due to various shady guilds who control everything due to shady government deals, and where the understaffed policing department, The Watch led by Captain Vimes, serves its community best by turning a blind eye and staying out of harm's way. There is no "king" here; there is a government appointed Patrician named Vetinari, who is hardly a saint as far as government leaders go. But it's better than a king, right?

Well, some citizens of Ankh-Morpork disagree. A cult-like cabal sets out to change things by summoning a dragon with a restricted access book stolen from the city's magical library. If they summon the dragon, they can rely on some fool with a magic sword to come slay it and, by default, that brave young knight with heretofore unknown royal lineage, is crowned king. That's the plan. And, for some reason, it works.

Until it doesn't. Until the summoned dragon gets his own ideas and decides that it could just as well be king too. This is literally a play with fire and get burned scenario. Captain Vimes and his mismatched crew of watchmen (including too old to be working Nobby, out-of-shape Colon, and by-the-book dwarf Carrot--who is way too tall to be a dwarf and named Carrot because of his top heavy build, not his hair color) embark on a quest to save the city from its own lack of courage. They engage the help of Lady Ramkin, a socialite with a keen interest and knowledge of the lesser swamp dragons whom she cares for and raises like pets.

It sounds a bit like a circus, much like our current state of affairs on this day in America with this current administration (do not --at-- me with your opinions. This book is nearing 30 years old!). But the outrageous fantasy element makes it fun and absurd and, by default, maybe easier to manage. What it tells me is that, from the perspective of Terry Pratchett, we've been through this before. And it's more than likely that we'll make it through to the end. Even if the odds are a million to one. Coincidentally, a quote from both Star Wars and Guards! Guards!
 

If you haven't read it yet, why not? Get on it! Find it here, or at your library, or wherever books are sold. 

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